My Last Days as a Teenager

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That's right... the end is dead ahead.  With my twentieth birthday coming up in the next forty-eight hours I will bid goodbye to my teen-aged years.   

It's a bit of an odd feeling... on one hand, I feel pretty relaxed.  So what if I'm entering another decade?  Big deal, I'm good, I'm cool, I'm fine....

But on the other hand, HOLY COW, I'M TURNING TWENTY.

I rarely use all caps for more than one word, by the way.  

I remember when I was sixteen or seventeen and I was suddenly struck with what I called a "late-teens crisis", when I realized that I was more than half-way through being a teenager, and just a few short years from being an official adult.  For some reason I thought that my eighteenth year would signify the end of my childhood, for good.  I kept thinking of all the things I hadn't done as a kid, that maybe I'd wasted those precious years with useless and meaningless activities that really weren't that memorable.    This troubled me for months, though I didn't say much to anyone because deep down I felt it was sort of silly.

Finally I realized that becoming an adult didn't mean the end of fun- but was rather a gateway to a whole new world to explore at my own pace.  As long as I could pay for it, I could be a kid as long as I wanted.  :)

So this year, instead of worrying about entering a new decade and what-am-I-doing-with-my-life, I've been thinking of how blessed God has made me throughout the years.  Right now I have everything I ever wanted as a kid.  I grew up to look the way I wanted, I have a car of my own, I work at a library, I've published a book, and I'm still writing.  I have everything I need and more, and it's all because God  has protected me and nurtured me, and has been gracious enough to give me things I could never deserve.  For that, I am so thankful.

Now!  Just for fun I'm going to list the top ten things that come to mind when I think about my coming birthday.  Maybe someday when I'm married and have a ton of kids I'll look back at this and smile.  Or maybe one of my future kids will look at this and say, "Mama, this website looks really, really old!   I can't believe it still exists!"

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#1

I wonder if I'll meet my future husband this year?  Or have I already??  When will he come to me... and how long will it take us to realize we're meant to be?

#2

What kind of cake should I do this year?  I've already had all my favorites at least twice, if not three or four times for all my previous birthdays.

#3

I will now officially be older or as-old-as all of my current female protagonists.  I've still got some male protagonists who surpass me, but not for long.

#4

I should really go through my clothes and evaluate which ones I want to keep.  Some of them I've probably had since I was sixteen.  0_0

#5

I wonder when that 20's-ish "I-suddenly-understand-everything" feeling will start to kick in.   According to the reading I've done, some serious mental development occurs in this next decade for me.   Wonder what that will feel like.

#6

I need to find some college-age events to go to or something.  I'm still hanging out with young teens, which is fine, but it would be nice to get to know some people my age or older.  Especially thinking back to #1 up there....  after all, it's not like Sir Right is just gonna tap on my window sill and say hi.

"What light from yonder window doth break?  It is her lamp, and it's burning my eyes like the sun..."

#7

When I think of it, I can't actually see much changing this year for me.  Barring any unforeseen tragedy, I'll probably pretty much as I've always been.  

#8

I should really, REALLY finish Rise of Ralienah this year.  It's about time!

#9

It seems my twelve-year-old self forgot to write a note for me on my twentieth birthday.  She wrote notes for my older teen-aged self, but somehow she neglected me.  >:(

#10

Maybe that's for the best.  If twelve year old me had known that I would cut our hair and start listening to 80's rock music, she might not have wanted to speak to me anyway.  

But you know, that all started with her.  I was probably twelve years old when I first picked up a mild interest in 70's Christian Rock, so that's what softened me up.  As for the hair, it was time for a cut anyway.  Too heavy to deal with anymore!

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And there we have it!  On Monday, I'll wake up in a new chapter of my life.  So long, teen-aged years.  I had a great time.  ^_^

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-Emmarayn Redding