Quest for the Ivory Sword Original Draft Part II

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See previous post to read the first half of this manuscript.  This post will conclude what I have of the original draft- I never made it past the seventh chapter.  However, when I stared again, I revised it as I went, leaving me with a total of four drafts over six years, three of which are so similar that you could hardly tell the difference.

 You have no idea how hard it is for me to type these words now with spelling and grammar mistakes included.  I cringe at my atrocious typing etiquette.  Yet at the same time, I can't feel to badly, since at the time that I wrote this, I was literally using one finger to type one letter at a time.  Yeah, that's right, I was 12 and I didn't know how to type.  How's that for you little children?  When I was your age, we didn't always have computers readily available, so I didn't know how to work it!  0_0

CHAPTER FOUR; The plains of Miralom  

(Note:  If you have read the book, I should point out that Miralom is what became Maloam, Talminia's neighboring country. At the time, however, I had envisioned Miralom as less of a country and more of a no-man's-land.  It was also meant to be the home of Nayram`e's great ancestor, Ralienah, who was the first Warrior of Talminia.  I later made Kalavar Ralienah's place of origin, and developed the culture of Miralom into a real society before renaming it Maloam.)

The next morning was the best you could ask for.  Have you ever woekn up grumpy, but felt better as soon as you looked out and saw the day?Well, that was what it was like.  The two travelers were as happy as could be expected.The horse had taken flight long before they had woken, but they did'nt mind.  They giggled and ran through the peaceful meadows and listened to the birds sing.  Finely Fairy asked  ;"what is this place?"  Nayrame checked the map."According this map, we'er on the plains ofMiralom."  the girls traveled on these plains for many days.  Then the real danger came.  Traveling through enemy terratory, the terratory of the Jalmanines!  The Jalmanine Desert could be quit hostile if you didn't know whatyou were doing.  Nayrame and Fairy had to go all the way through it, into the unknown lands.

CHAPTER FIVE;  Jalmanine Desert

(Note:  Once again, we encounter some difference between the original names and the names that actually ended up in the book.  Kalaban became Kastaan, the capital city of Jalmanine, which by the time it was published, was not just a desert, but an empire.)

The first town that they met was Kalaban.  As they approached, Nayrame said quietly;"  We'll have to be on our gaurd,we're all we have now.  Anyone we meet in this place is likely to be an enemy."  Fairy noded solomly.  Kalaban was the Jalmanine capitale. During the day, the city was a hubub of slaves,merchants, prossetions,aimals,Lords,peasents and such.  But during the night,it was so silent that you might think it was a ghost town!  Nayrame and Fairy happened to arrive at mid-day.  THe most buisy time of day.  They were pushed ans shuved through the city.  And just when they were out in the middle of it, there came a prossetion.Before she had tie to react, Fairy was pushed into the middle of the street!  "Hey you!"  the leader. elled.  He drew back his wip for a strike, and Fairy prepared herself for the worst, but it never came. She opened her eyes to see Nayrame standing in front of her, wip coiled harmlessly around her arm.  Nayrame quikly undid it and started pulling her off the street, but the leader of the prossetion stopped them  "Hey!  You little scoundrals!  I'll have to take you to the emporer.Come on."

CHAPTER SIX;  The emprorer's pallece.

The girls were escorted through beautiful gardesn (with monkeys climing in the treets)and court yards.Finely, they were led to a large throne rom were the Emporer sat.  "Alright, Authin, what now?" Asked the Emporer in a lazy, anoyed tone.authen began with what was ent to be a very vexed expretion,(but it looked very near to a terefied expretion)  "th-These little b-brutes were caught tr-trying to sss-stop the princess'es prosetion-j-jumped right in ront o-of her litter!"  The Emporer turned to nayrame.  "You!  What is your name?"  "Nayrame."  The Emporer continued talking to Nayrame.  "And where are eyou from?  He aske.d

"Talinia."Nayrame ansewred cautiously.  A grin that Nayrame did'nt like spread across the Emporer's face.  "Ah."  He said.  "I see.  Gaurds!  See o it that these travelers are well fed and well treated.  Bring them to the best bedchambers we have".  The gaurds led the distrustful travelers away.

Meanwhile...

A franc pare searched through the city.  "How could you have lost sight of them Kurin?!"  Asked one.  "I'm sorry.  I tnk Fairy was pushed into the street, and then Nayrame.  Andn now, Ican't see them."  Anserwe Kurin.  "Well, keep looking."  A while later, Kuring called out, "Solay, I see them!  Their being led to the caslte gates.  They've been arrested!"

CHAPTER SEVEN;  Escape.

The next few days were wonderful for Fairy.  She had relaxing baths, scrumptius suppers,...However, Nayrame was miserable. Though she was given wonderful things, she could not stop the growing distrust for the Emporer.

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And that, my dear readers, end of the first draft.  After that, I was stuck in a dry spot for about a year before I picked up again.  But it was for the best- I matured a lot during that time, and even more so in the years to follow.

To this day I am proud of my little story, for though even in its published form I can see my own youth, it is the project that is closest to my heart.  And this first draft, despite its many faults, isn't half bad for a twelve-year-old's imaginings, in my humble opinion.

Tell me what you think!  I'd love to heart it.  :)

-Emmarayn Redding

Origin Draft of "Quest for the Ivory Sword"

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(WARNING:  Spoilers ahead!)

As some of you know, I started writing my first book, "Quest for the Ivory Sword", when I was twelve years old.    I had been developing the idea for two years before that, so it is quite an old story.

Since I was so young when I started out, I had a lot of learning to do before my writing was ready to be published.  I didn't even make it all the way through my first draft before I started rethinking the storyline.  My mother was very patient when teaching me how to craft a better story, which is fortunate since this particularly had to change and develop in so many ways before its completion.

In the original draft, the main character Nayram`e was unaware of her heritage as the Warrior of Talminia.  She had still been raised by Solay, but at that point in the story, Solay was not her grandmother, but a full-blooded pixie who was several generations removed from Nayram`e.

Nayram`e's quest for the sword began not as an attempt to prevent a war, but rather as a right of passage to become a true warrior.  

In the published version, as Nayram`e and Fayri set out on their journey, the queen sends Kurin, a childhood friend of Nayram`e's, and Swift, a fairy messenger, to follow them and prevent an assassin from destroying them.  In the original draft, Swift did not exist, and it was Solay who accompanied Kurin.  Furthermore, the Kurin's character was vastly different than it is now.  I originally concieved him as a disgruntled, reluctant, skeptical stick in the mud who served as Nayram`e's sword instructor, rather than Solay herself.  His clumsiness, however, remained the same.

There are many more differences I'm sure you'll spot.  In most of my drafts, talking animals also inhabited Talminia.  They were removed shortly before the final draft.  There were also dwarves, centaurs, unicorns, and the like.  I eventually elected to remove those extra creatures because I felt that having a world so heavily populated by so many different races detracted from the story.  Someday I would love to do another fantasy story in which I could include those classic creatures, but for "Quest..." I knew I needed a more simplistic setting.

The following is the very FIRST draft of "Quest for the Ivory Sword", as far as I got.  I have included spelling, grammar, and formating mistakes for the sake of showing the level of writing skill I possessed at the time.  I hope you enjoy it!  May it better your appreciation for the story we ended up with.  :)

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CHAPTER ONE; The adventure begins.

Nayram`e's sword clashed against Kurin's.  "No no! Sword up, like I taught you!"  Kurin yelled.  "sorry". Muttered Nayram`e.  soon Kurin called for a rest.  "Ithink that's enough for today." He said.  "Alright."  Said Nayrame. 

She hurried off to visit Solay.Solay was the oldest pixie in Talminia, yet she still looked young.  Nayrame soon reached the cottage.  Little did hs know she was begining a great adventure.  "There's somthing I want to talk to you about." SOlay said.  Nayrame waited.  "Along time ago, there was a beautiful young warior.  Like you!"  Nayrame smiled and Solay coninued;  "When she was 21, war broke out between Jalmanine and Talminia.  We won, but we were still and are on bad terms with Jalmanina.  FOr her own reasons, the warior hid her sword.  It was a magnificent sword, made of pure ivory!  But sincde then, the sword has not been seen." (Here she paused,) "And I want you to go on a quest to find it."  Nayrame was silent for a moment, then asked; "but why me?"  Solay smiled.  "I have my reasons".  Nayrame was puzzled, but she didnot question.  Her thoughts were whirling on her way home.  When she reached her cottage, she stood for along time.  Then she got out a leatherpouch and packed some money and afew meals.  Tomorrow she would set off with her friend Fairy.  Nayrame was going on a quest!

CHAPTER TWO;  First few miles.

"what did you say?" Asked an astonished Fairy.  "I said;'we are going on a quest'" Anserwd Nayrame.  "Um, yeah, but what for?  Said Fairy, still doughtful.  Nayrame explained about the ivoyr sword."Well... Ok I'll come. Said Fairy.  "Good!"  Nayrame said.  A few hours later, it was mid-day, and the two sat down for lunch But when Nayrame laid out the contents of that days lunch, Fairy looked disgusted.  "It's all cheeses!" she said.  "Well, the longer cheese ages, the better it gets.  SO that's what I packed."  Nayrame said shortly.  "Well, that's just un natural if you ask me." Fairy retorted.  Nayrame sighed.  They had along journy ahead of them, how many times would they argue?  The two girls ate their lunch in silence, but the bright and cheerful day and beautiful landscape soon cheered them up.  Fairy apoligized for what she said about the food.  And Nayrame Told her she'd By hersome bread in the next town.  At night the found a good place to sleep and got a fresh start in the morning.So the two girls passed their first few miles in peace.

CHAPTER THREE; First danger.

The third day was over ast nd rainy.(NOT a good sort of day for traveling!) Yet  the travelers pressed on.  They were dressed in heavy cloaks that they had bought in the last town.  "We're on the border of Talminia!"  Nayrame shouted above the wind.  Fairy did no answer, but kept walking.  Suddenly, out of nowere it seamed, a group of slave traders on horse back burs ou!  They formed a circle around the girls.  The girls fought back to back and Nayrame warded them off bravely, but it was almost useless.  Suddenly, Nayrame noticed that they were several yards further from the mountian pass than they ahd been 10 minutes ago.  The slave traiders were herding them towards the Western wood, the resting place of all Talminian villains!  They were almost there now, at the very entrance of the forest.  Then Nayrame gave a desperate attempt of escape.  She sheathed her sword, grabbed hold of Fairy, and darted under the nearest horse.  The rider, taken completely by suprise, did not even see Nayrame's sword coming to knock him off his horse (which it did).  And the two girls galloped away to safety.  "That was way to close"!  Nayrame said, breathing heavely.  Fairy was shaking terribly.  THe girls found a nce cavve (Talminia is the sort of place were you can find a cave) to sleep in.  And continued there journey n the morning.

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Part II will be posted tomorrow.

-Emmarayn Redding

In Memory of James Horner

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On June 22, my favorite composer, James Horner, died in a plane crash.  Having been a lover of his music since I was a very young child, I was much grieved by this news- and even more so because of its sudden and tragic nature.
As musician and songwriter myself, I often found that my limited knowledge in composing hindered the full realization of the music I heard in my heart.  But when I listened to James Horner's beautiful music, it was as though I were hearing the songs I could never write, but desperately wanted to experience.  It was he who was the greatest influence on my writing style today, and I will cherish his work for the rest of my life. I thank God for blessing him with such talent, and though I don't know where Mr. Horner stood concerning God, I pray that someday we'll get to meet in Heaven.

To those who knew him personally, I send my deepest sympathies.  My heart goes out to you, as I know what it is to lose a loved one and a friend.

And now,  I would like to share with my readers some of my favorite works of James Horner.

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Whispering Winds, from the Land Before Time

The Princess Pleads for Wallace's Live, from Braveheart

Dreams to Dream, from Fievel Goes West

A Kaleidescope of Mathematics

Somewhere Out There, from An American Tale

Main Title, from Braveheart

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Emmarayn Redding

(DISCLAIMER:  No copyright infringement intended.  All rights belong to the copyright holders music. )