Friday, July 10, 2015

Quest for the Ivory Sword Original Draft Part II

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See previous post to read the first half of this manuscript.  This post will conclude what I have of the original draft- I never made it past the seventh chapter.  However, when I stared again, I revised it as I went, leaving me with a total of four drafts over six years, three of which are so similar that you could hardly tell the difference.

 You have no idea how hard it is for me to type these words now with spelling and grammar mistakes included.  I cringe at my atrocious typing etiquette.  Yet at the same time, I can't feel to badly, since at the time that I wrote this, I was literally using one finger to type one letter at a time.  Yeah, that's right, I was 12 and I didn't know how to type.  How's that for you little children?  When I was your age, we didn't always have computers readily available, so I didn't know how to work it!  0_0

CHAPTER FOUR; The plains of Miralom  

(Note:  If you have read the book, I should point out that Miralom is what became Maloam, Talminia's neighboring country. At the time, however, I had envisioned Miralom as less of a country and more of a no-man's-land.  It was also meant to be the home of Nayram`e's great ancestor, Ralienah, who was the first Warrior of Talminia.  I later made Kalavar Ralienah's place of origin, and developed the culture of Miralom into a real society before renaming it Maloam.)

The next morning was the best you could ask for.  Have you ever woekn up grumpy, but felt better as soon as you looked out and saw the day?Well, that was what it was like.  The two travelers were as happy as could be expected.The horse had taken flight long before they had woken, but they did'nt mind.  They giggled and ran through the peaceful meadows and listened to the birds sing.  Finely Fairy asked  ;"what is this place?"  Nayrame checked the map."According this map, we'er on the plains ofMiralom."  the girls traveled on these plains for many days.  Then the real danger came.  Traveling through enemy terratory, the terratory of the Jalmanines!  The Jalmanine Desert could be quit hostile if you didn't know whatyou were doing.  Nayrame and Fairy had to go all the way through it, into the unknown lands.

CHAPTER FIVE;  Jalmanine Desert

(Note:  Once again, we encounter some difference between the original names and the names that actually ended up in the book.  Kalaban became Kastaan, the capital city of Jalmanine, which by the time it was published, was not just a desert, but an empire.)

The first town that they met was Kalaban.  As they approached, Nayrame said quietly;"  We'll have to be on our gaurd,we're all we have now.  Anyone we meet in this place is likely to be an enemy."  Fairy noded solomly.  Kalaban was the Jalmanine capitale. During the day, the city was a hubub of slaves,merchants, prossetions,aimals,Lords,peasents and such.  But during the night,it was so silent that you might think it was a ghost town!  Nayrame and Fairy happened to arrive at mid-day.  THe most buisy time of day.  They were pushed ans shuved through the city.  And just when they were out in the middle of it, there came a prossetion.Before she had tie to react, Fairy was pushed into the middle of the street!  "Hey you!"  the leader. elled.  He drew back his wip for a strike, and Fairy prepared herself for the worst, but it never came. She opened her eyes to see Nayrame standing in front of her, wip coiled harmlessly around her arm.  Nayrame quikly undid it and started pulling her off the street, but the leader of the prossetion stopped them  "Hey!  You little scoundrals!  I'll have to take you to the emporer.Come on."

CHAPTER SIX;  The emprorer's pallece.

The girls were escorted through beautiful gardesn (with monkeys climing in the treets)and court yards.Finely, they were led to a large throne rom were the Emporer sat.  "Alright, Authin, what now?" Asked the Emporer in a lazy, anoyed tone.authen began with what was ent to be a very vexed expretion,(but it looked very near to a terefied expretion)  "th-These little b-brutes were caught tr-trying to sss-stop the princess'es prosetion-j-jumped right in ront o-of her litter!"  The Emporer turned to nayrame.  "You!  What is your name?"  "Nayrame."  The Emporer continued talking to Nayrame.  "And where are eyou from?  He aske.d
"Talinia."Nayrame ansewred cautiously.  A grin that Nayrame did'nt like spread across the Emporer's face.  "Ah."  He said.  "I see.  Gaurds!  See o it that these travelers are well fed and well treated.  Bring them to the best bedchambers we have".  The gaurds led the distrustful travelers away.

A franc pare searched through the city.  "How could you have lost sight of them Kurin?!"  Asked one.  "I'm sorry.  I tnk Fairy was pushed into the street, and then Nayrame.  Andn now, Ican't see them."  Anserwe Kurin.  "Well, keep looking."  A while later, Kuring called out, "Solay, I see them!  Their being led to the caslte gates.  They've been arrested!"


The next few days were wonderful for Fairy.  She had relaxing baths, scrumptius suppers,...However, Nayrame was miserable. Though she was given wonderful things, she could not stop the growing distrust for the Emporer.

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And that, my dear readers, end of the first draft.  After that, I was stuck in a dry spot for about a year before I picked up again.  But it was for the best- I matured a lot during that time, and even more so in the years to follow.

To this day I am proud of my little story, for though even in its published form I can see my own youth, it is the project that is closest to my heart.  And this first draft, despite its many faults, isn't half bad for a twelve-year-old's imaginings, in my humble opinion.

Tell me what you think!  I'd love to heart it.  :)

-Emmarayn Redding


  1. Was this chapter somewhat influenced by The Horse and His Boy?

    1. Very much so. :) The Horse and His Boy is one of my favorite Narnia books, the others being The Silver Chair and Voyage of the Dawntreader.